Myers Literary Guide:

The North-East

 

JOHN BINGHAM MORTON (1893 - 1979)

Writing as 'Beachcomber', Morton brought delight to readers of the Daily Express for fifty years with his surreal humour. He was also a great walker, and one trip took him across the Cheviots. He describes his arrival in Hexham:

The rain was pelting down from a hopeless sky when I sprang, with a snarl, out of the carriage and advanced through the cringing crowd.
When the chief citizens had been summoned to the market-place, I addressed a few well-chosen words to them. 'There is one thing your town lacks,' said I,' and that is some kind of statue to me. If I were you I should start a subscription at once.'
'But what have you done for us,' inquired a prominent shopkeeper,' that we should so honour you?'
'It is enough,' I replied, 'that I have paid a visit to your town.'

In Hexham, he noted that the women all walk sideways, and obliges us with a verse or two about the deficiencies of the Roman Wall:

When Hadrian built the Roman Wall
     To keep the horrid Scots away,
He didn't build it long enough
Or high enough or strong enough,
     And look at us today!

Morton appears to have headed towards Jedburgh by way of the North Tyne valley, eventually crossing the Deadwater Burn. He has poetic fun with all the strange names in the region, but climbing was hard and his tribute is heartfelt:

'As soon as you get to the top of a rise, you have to plunge down to cross some tiresome but very beautiful burn. The air is full of the sound of running water. I have never been in such a lovely spot in England.'

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